The colder I get the hungrier I get... what's THAT about?

Ok it's no suprise to you that I want to eat. If you've been reading this blog for more than a nano second you'll have got that. But this cold spell is really playing havoc with my determination NOT to eat too much.

I'm SO hungry.

I don't just want food, I want MORE food, no twice that much, NO ALL OF IT, I WANT IT ALL! IT'S ALL MIIIIIIIINE (evil laughter etc....)

OK, phew! Glad I got that out of my system.

It's been a while since I ate while I was cooking. It was a terrible habit of mine. While the dinner was on I would eat a sandwich. I could not, no... would not, wait until the food was ready. I had to eat NOW.

And I have worked hard to get out of that habit and go back to enjoying the cooking experience and being ready for the meal when its ready.

I'm putting it down to the cold and it might not be it. But if it isn't then it's a big coincidence. The cold spell has had me heading for the fridge - big style. In fact last week I had dinner on, while the dinner was on I made a sandwich and while I was making the sandwich, I WAS EATING THE MEAT!! OUT OF CONTROL OR WHAT!!!

But I suppose the fact that I recognised it is a good thing.

I had to stay home from work yesteday cos of the weather. I stayed in my 'judith chalmers' and worked on some college stuff.
I was very strict with myself. I had a good brekkie. and left the kitchen straight away. Then I was determined to wait til 1 for lunch. I didn't do too bad. I tried to sneak out of the bedroom without seeing myself at about 12.30. I caught my self at the bottom step and after a good telling off (and some worried looks from people walking by the house) I had my lunch and went back upstairs.

It has been hard work; and I can sense the old habits trying to catch hold of me again. But like I said, I am aware of it. And scary as it is, it is certainly more empowering!!

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 says this...

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

Now don't misunderstand me, or that scripture. This is not about flagellation or deprivation. It is about discipline and control. Something I have lacked for a long time. The Bible also says that 'all thinga are permissable but not all things are beneficial". So yeah I can have what I like. But some of the time what I'd really like won't benefit me.

Ohhhhhhh it's suddenly gotten cold in here. Any one got anything warm I can borrow?

Like hot fudge Sundae...

Even better on the inside...

People are starting to notice... and they're starting to say things.

It's true I am getting smaller. Even the new jeans I bought not so long ago are starting to slouch a bit. Although that could washing machine operator error!!

It's a weird feeling cos it's nice that people see it, and it's nice to know they can see it but I'd am a bit "scarleh" when they say it. And there's always the background dread of it being even MORE noticable when it goes back on.

Until now...

I am sticking my neck out here (although one 2.6 people read this anyway -- one of them is VERY small!) but I think this is it! I think that just maybe I have cracked this thing. This weight/eating/diet/hope/fear/food/madness circle I go around in seems to finally be slowing down.

Now I don't mean that I'll never put on weight again, or that I'll never struggle with it again, OR that I'll get to the official Weight Watchers target for me. (Which by the way would mean I'd need to be tied to one of those sparkly weights that keep helium balloons from floating off up to the rafters; or else I'd have to be shot down with a pellet gun or something.)

However good, or even just different, I look -- it's even better on the inside. I think that is the difference this time. The change is an inner one! For me it's been more than just 'getting into the zone' it's been about a change of heart.

I wonder will people see the difference on the inside? I wonder will I start to get comments like... You sound well, you seem better, you are stronger! For now it's enough to know it myself; we'll just have to see as time goes on who notices what...

All I'll say is that if ever you find my jeans in a heap on the floor.... don't look up at the rafters!

Weigh too much??

Well tomorrow is D Day or WW Day actually. And where as on Dec 30th I was doing ok.... I went to see the inlaws in Wales on Jan 2nd and came back yesterday and it wasn't only the luggage that was stretching at the seams...

I wonder how going easy on yourself cause it's Christmas turns to... What the heck, it's only a couple of tins of Quality Street -- I can work that off trying to do the Times crossword tomorrow!

I did walk a lot though. I'm hoping that will have limited some of the damage. We went to Oxford for the day to see my nephews and niece. My neff who lives there took us on a tour of all the colleges and we had a look in one of the chapels and spotted a few familiar scenes from Morse episodes. It was a great day. And the dinner that evening wasn't bad either.

But I think the best thing about this time 'round is that I am ready to start again. I don't care what that scales says tomorrow. I can't wait to get on it and put Christmas eating behind me and get going again. It is a real sign of a change of heart for me on the subjest. Usually I'd be dreading it but no matter what has happened I'm moving forward.

Philipians 3 says

But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal...

This is a spiritual scripture and was written specifically to do with life in Christ and continuing the journey no matter what. But as with a lot of God's principles, I can apply it to other areas of life and I hope in 2009 to apply it to the area of my weight watching.